A couple of weeks ago, I attended some training about that was provided by the PCT (Primary Care Trust). For the record, it was about various policies that will be implemented regarding funding and if that sounds boring in a sentence, imagine what it was like for a whole day!
On the course, I met someone with whom I had studied for my MA in Social Work about 10 years ago. We also worked briefly together in the same borough immediately on qualifying (actually, she had been sponsored by that borough so had gone back to work with them and I had got my first ‘qualified’ job there). We never really kept in touch but were friendly enough to chat.
She’s left that job now and is working in a completely different setting, in a neighbouring borough to me. It was an interesting catch-up that took me back to those first steps in the profession and I reflected a lot on the changes we had both seen in that time. A notable point was the difference in attitude towards managers and not necessarily taking what is being said on face value.
This springs to mind because this weekend, I am attending, possibly against my better judgement, a reunion from my old secondary school. It’s nearly 20 years now since I left and about the same time since I saw the majority of people I was at school with. I kept in touch with a few, for a few years and a very few I am still in touch with (and one, I expect will be reading this.. you know who you are and I’m also still trying to work out what to wear!).
A colleague of mine, to whom I was chatting about this assured me that women tend to age better than the men.. but I can’t help looking at some of the old photos of me from school and apart from having MUCH nicer glasses now.. I have, filled somewhat….
It is a curious trip back to my past. I was at the school for 7 years. I missed the last ‘reunion’ because I just wasn’t that interested – and was too concerned, I think about turning up without husband/children/glamorous life and job. Now, I’m far less bothered about those things as, all things considered, I’m very happy with my current set-up, life, work etc although I probably wouldn’t have gone to this one were it not for my oldest and dearest friend attending.
My birthday has also not long passed. It is my first birthday without parents. It was quite painful and I spent most of the day grumbling like a bear with an angry head. The wave of ‘I”m too young not to have a parent to turn too’ self-pity will probably take some time to elapse but I indulge myself occasionally. Which made me sad really because I always tried to enjoy birthdays – regardless of age. I think I was almost expecting a card and a call from my Dad and it was painfully obvious in its absence.
Next hurdle is Christmas/general ‘family togetherness’ time..
Filed under: personal, work | Tagged: birthday, grief, personal, school reunion, work
Oh CB, that is not self-pity, or not in the way I understand self-pity to be an indulgent thing, a self centred selfish thing. It must be horribly difficult to adjust to a birthday without those who were there for the beginning of your life. Parents gave you life, and in that, it would be odd if you didn’t think of them on the day you are celebrating the gift they gave you. Remembering all the other years that they were there is bound to spark off grief. That’s natural, not self-pity in a negative sense.
I have nothing to say to offer you comfort, but care very much. I do hope it gets easier for you, and that you can come up with a master plan to make Christmas seem less painful. I don’t think you can fill the space where someone has been, and probably wouldn’t want to. But maybe making the rest of the Christmas as full of people as possible might make the gaps seem less obvious.
Lola x
Lola said it best. I echo her sentiments.
Don’t worry about the 20th! Just drink wine, it’ll be fine. I did mine a few years ago. Rest assured, you won’t be the only woman who has “filled somewhat”. I think the older people get, the more they appreciate their past and are just happy to be surrounded by others who can reminisce with them.
Lola, Reas – thanks a lot!